The promise and goal I kept

And also fulfilled as it may seem...

Readers, I'm glad to announce that from a bit of research and such into my development and much hard work, I think I may be finally budding my way into opening up to the world. I find myself much more at ease with me peers than ever thought possible before, being able to laugh and make jokes with them and everything else you teenagers normally do. I promised myself at the beginning of the year that seemed like it wasn't all that long ago to learn how to open myself up and ready myself for socializing for my career and independence from my mother. It has shown in numerous ways throughout the year that I have been able to open up and speak with others. Granted, it is still a bit rough around the edges and I still stay silent for most of my days during the school hours, but hey, every diamond mined is rough around its edges before it can be cut and refined and so too must my social skills be that way.
I am so very pleased with the work I have done in trying to open up and I do thank the people in school that have offered to even help me in opening up and this has been a journey all my own. I can only hope that by June 15th, I can go to project graduation and have fun with my 2012 graduating class as we all will on that glorious day and not stick with my mother the entire time. I hope to leave Burlington City High school knowing that I have done something good for myself and having worked hard at a skill all humans develop over their lives that I have completely shunned after preschool. I want to go to BCC in the fall of 2012 and show my teachers that I am a good man of good virtue and a man who once was a shy bud of a flower that needed to open up and let its petals show and I wish to show everyone my petals and flaunt my true colors because it has always been a wish of mine to be able to laugh and carouse with my peers just as I have done so many years ago. I just wish that I had gotten the right kind of motivation to be able to train myself into opening up a lot sooner in my school career than I had done. It was also a reason that I originally wanted to join the Arrowhead because I felt that if I was going to reach out to my fellow students and the staff of the school, that was the only way I was going to do it, but now, I feel that I can be able to open up and not rely so heavily on Project: Evergreen as I have done the previous year when I first joined the newspaper to start the opinion piece.

I still feel I may have a ways to go, but way to go me,
Yours Truly

My thoughts

I guess since I'm a self-proclaimed philosopher, I should start blogging my daily thoughts throughout the day.
This day started off with trying to rework what I had through of the previous night and also trying to remember if I had a dream last night. Almost gave me a danged headache while I was getting dressed for school today. Then I watched the NC10 news with my brother the rest of the morning after breakfast and coffee. It was mostly hysterical and I had no thoughts during this time as he was making fun of the news crew, especially the female anchor who he said had a huge head and the male anchor who definitely had a huge nose. So after those jokes, we watched a human bobblehead doll and Pinnochio tell the morning news until the Today show came on at 7. Boy did I have a laugh after my brother figured out that the Today show crew perfectly resembled the news crew in family guys, for anyone who's watched Family Guy, you guys should probably know what I'm talking about.
During school, I thought about having afternoon treats with the cookies my specialty foods table packed away first period and what fun it would have been to share the cookies with my family so we can all enjoy them. Journalism class was probably the most interesting thought pattern. During Journalism, i was thinking about relations with the human race and how, if we took out certain things that affect us the most right now, how they would drastically change our daily lives as a whole. Such as paper money or religion(Be warned, I'm always thinking about how life might be different without religion). Then after first study hall, sixth period, I forgot my lunch box of cookies! Oh no! The horror, guys! It took me looking for my lunch box after my second study hall seventh period nap to figure out I had forgotten my lunchbox. No good thoughts after figuring out this dilemma, guys. It was all thoughts of how I'm such an idiot for leaving behind such delicious cookies and also of how to get them back and reclaim my lunch box. Sixth period study hall room door was locked after ninth period though. Dang nabbit!

So those were the day's thoughts. Join me next time for tomorrow's thoughts if I can remember to get them on here. At this point, in all honesty, I really need something to blog about on a daily basis.

The End

Readers, I have been hard at work revising my essay, Center of Man and let me tell you. The revisions have finally been completed. All that's left now, is to right the whole thing down on separate pieces of paper and then once that's done, I can get it onto this blog for you guys to read and enjoy. So far, it's been a wonderful journey of exploration. A lot of work has been put into the essay, I've done plenty of research on my various topics in order to back up my stances and I've cut down on dragging out the sentences in the original piece and extended the work from its original three page total to a full nine pages, front and back. It is going to be the greatest work i've ever written so far and I hope you all enjoy it as well when it's finally on the blog.

Until then,
Yours Truly

Existentialism and me

Lately, as in these past few months, I've been questioning the human thought process and questioning the human mind in general, so I thought that one day while in school I would look up philosophy on wikipedia again as I have done previously over 2 years ago and I found that existentialism, like transcendentalism, matched up with what I was starting to think of. Thus, I decided that since I already was moving more away from transcendentalism anyway even while still clinging to some of the wisdom left behind by Thoreau, I would take in existentialism as well and make a new philosophy to practice for myself. Earlier on, over the summer, I started to really break down the existence of God and any other deity and I read something about that idea, I can't remember where or what, but it was on that subject, anyway, it was the idea of Materialism. Materialism is quite interesting to me. It's the idea that everything that's present and real is actually real, while anything else like a deity or something that's intangible or anything like that, is not. Basically when it comes to a god, it does not exist no matter what, because it does not have any real origin.
Speaking of Gods, if I were to choose to believe in any sort of pantheon or god at all or whatever, my best pick would be the Egyptian pantheon of gods, since they actually have a credible origin. They said that all of their gods came from a star in the night sky, I can't remember which, but yes, the star they pointed out was in fact real, and nobody knew about that star until hundreds of years later, when someone finally had the common sense to look up and actually find the danged star in the night sky. Thus, Egyptians were right, Christians were wrong.... or maybe everyone else other than the Egyptians?
Moving on, about materialism, everything has to have an origin, OK, I believe that too, I'll take it and put in my pocket and forget about it next morning. With transcendentalism, materialism, and now existentialism, it could only mean one thing for me. I will coin eclecticism! Yes, a type of philosophy for the thinking ADD-sufferer. It should be something that holds core belief with the three aforementioned philosophies while totally agreeing that no idea about man, nature, or anything thereof, cannot be held credible until tangible evidence is brought up to prove it.

Make way for Eclecticism,

Yours Truly

Weid Dream

This morning, I had a weird dreamin which my brother, my friend Brian and myself were being bullied by a couple of chumps who had access to kerosene and apparently knew how to set things on fire since at one point, they came in on bikes trying to set us on fire. I was drenched in the kerosene but ended up high tailing it out of there, apparently narrowly avoiding becoming Roast Ryan. All three of us did apparently thanks to their poor aim.
A bit later, I decided I had had enough of them and decided to engage on the field of combat via sword fight. Thing is, I was evenly matched with the one who accepted my challenge by being smart enough to defend himself from getting clubbed with a large pipe. Finding we were evenly matched in our sword fighting prowess, I dropped my weapon and decided to book it. At which point I returned to my brother and Brian. The two of them suggested I go to the chumps and talk sports with them. Thus, I did and I got them engaged in a wonderful conversation about hockey.
I guess the moral of the story would be "Get into sports, someday it'll save your life" Onl my part, that's a rather terrible moral. And since when am I evenly matched in a sword fight in a dream? If anything, I should've clubbed the daylights out of the wimpy bully. Indeed, he was a wimpy bully, because he and the other chump looked like a couple of chumps I could have batted the heads off of with the giant pipe I had.

Still wondering about that sword fight,

Yours Truly

Lately

Lately I've been hard at work revising my essay Center of Man and it's coming along nicely. I'm sure, by the end of the essay, it will perhaps be longer, better written, and completely different. I'm planning on taking out the gem metaphors and probably using construction metaphors, since I thought those types of metaphors would be neater in this essay. I could probably get to work revising more of my essays in the future, but the way I'm actually revising this current essay is like cutting it out bit by bit and reworking it into a blueprint. it's a little weird of a way to revise an essay, i know this, i said that to myself the day I got started revising it, but whatever it takes, my most meaningful essay shall never again be a mockery of my writing skills!

As for my last blog entry, I know it sounded a little angry and to be honest, I was very angry with myself and with everything I have done while I was writing. Why I made a rant about human sexuality was just to vent my frustrations of sexual orientations out and I did kind of need something to angrily rant about and that was the first thing that came to mind since sexual orientation is a hugely unnecessary controversy in this country alone. The thing is, if you love someone or something, no one should be able to judge that, not even the law itself. Sure, pedophilia and bestiality are both weird ways to get your motors going, but still, if you love someone, love them. Just that you can't expect to hold a meaningful relationship with a parrot or a 5-year old kid. It's just impossible, really.

Later all,

Yours Truly

Here's what I think

Okay, I have to get this off my chest and right now at this very moment, I am very angry with myself. Apparently my writing does indeed suck and now I am very well aware of it. Now I am going to just say that I'm putting away the pen, hanging up the coat, putting it all away. I can see now that life as a philosopher will not be at all beneficial to me. The only way to make a way through this dank world is to make money anyway. The world does not need a positive change and it most certainly does not need me especially to hold its hand and guide it to a positive light. I'm no one as I am now well aware. My writing is literally laughable, I don't see anyone looking at my writing and saying 'Well gee, what have I been thinking about all my life? this guy's totally right, I want to shake his hand". No, instead, the real reaction is a laugh, a giggle, a sly smirk, a conniving grin and the phrase "Holy crap, is this guy for real? This sucks balls!" I know this is terrible, this entire blog's terrible and I started it thinking it could be a good hobby and it could be something fun for myself, but no, this has turned into a realization of my failures, my beloved philosophy compilation book ever pleasing masses of people will be for naught, ever hoping to inspire a younger generation mankind do do good will be for naught, ever making a way in this world and landing a place in literary history is impossible now since anyone can write a book except me.

As for human society, they're all full of themselves and stuck up. They're all saying things like 'homosexuality is an abomination' or 'incest is immoral and disgusting'. Well sex itself is disgusting, be it heterosexual, homosexual, between a man and a child, a woman and her son, a man and corpse or a woman and a freaking bull! Sex is entirely disgusting and any relationship stemming from or towards it should be viewed as disgusting. But it isn't. Society has told you all that homosexuality and all of that other stuff is disgusting, but sex that is meant for the creation of another life is the only beautiful thing in this world. Society has basically told us that we as humans should only ever be attracted to a very, very small part of the globe. In other words, men should only be attracted to women that are not of their own heritage, that are their age or at least within five or ten years of their own age and women should be attracted to men in the same way. you humans can't help but think this a lot of the time, this is why gay marriage is such a big issue in America, because society told you homosexuality was wrong and this and that, get over it. I would say religion, namely the monotheistic religions, also had a hand in the way society thinks but what do I care? My opinion is irrelevant. Religion is nothing more than a mental crutche that is completely unnecessary in this day and age. Bottom line here is: Sex itself is disgusting and humans need to accept the fact that they're all disgusting animals and can't help what they're attracted to and that it's not anyone else's business to correct these people of their nonexistent wrongs.

As for philosophy and transcendentalism, I'm still deeply fascinated by it and I do wish to continue my education after high school to learn more of it, but I just can't make it my life's work, bagging at a grocery store will apparently be my life's work.

There you have it, I'm just going to stop being hopeful and take everything and tell everything just exactly how it is, because no one wants to listen to my garbage.